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I was thinking to myself, I don’t think I’ve ever liked someone this much before. Or maybe a better way to put it: I don’t think I’ve liked someone in this way before. I could not survive without seeing my partner for more than 2 weeks last time. So I don’t like it when my friends tell me, “you should chill,” or “you know over time, guys will like you less.” I think it’s ridiculous. I think giving this sort of advice implies that I don’t know what I’m doing, or that I’m not doing it right. I feel like they’re not giving me permission to be myself, to give it my all and crash and crumble. I think I’m trying my best when I give. I hate it when advices are didactic because I think there’s no formula, there’s more than one way to do things. If I have to choose between my relationships and their relationships, I’ll choose mine any day. So I’ll deal with whatever happens later, and now I just want to be myself. I’ll take what I can take, I’ll give what I can give. I’ll learn whatever it is that I need to learn. My goal is to learn from this relationship, not to try to end up forever in his arms. I think they got the wrong impression, but I can’t be bothered.

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I realized that when you give rage some time, it evaporates. My state returns to the neutral state, it’s how homeostasis works. I am no longer mad at my friends. I think I understand where they were coming from. It’s acceptance that I need some working on, but before that I need a little bit of forgiveness from myself. Everyday. Today, I forgive myself for this.