good intentions

imagine how great not having been born at all is

you don't exist

you don't get to bother thinking whether your existence has any significance to this giant-structured world, or whether your existence has always got stuck at a very personal level (in other words, whether your existence does mean a thing if it stands solely on its own)

and you don't get prejudiced at all when you fancy the idea of non-existence (you know what people say nowadays to those who have suicidal thoughts. these people are sane, of course, and it is wrong for us to feel that not having the same portion of sanity is unfair. because life has always been fair, and we are the crazy ones, the wrong ones, and all other people who 'keep calm and lie on' are always right, because they know more than we do: with lies they get away with everything else, with lies they get more access to the truths, of course they do. but we, we who are honestly, downright mad from the very first place, we have no rights over the truths and we are to lead a miserable life forever, and ask ourselves occasionally, 'will these things i've been writing become a self-fulfilling prophecy?' so occasional we forget that the answer is: yes, they will.)

if i got a chance to say something to the dying sperms and infertile eggs i would say, 'you will not be born at all, everything is at peace for you. you're good, we all here are not good.'

if i got a chance to say something to the surviving sperm and fertile egg that are destined to form a god-sent, sublime collision, i would say, 'the most unfortunate moment of your life will be the day you are born'

i might have already been unfortunate, i might have been deemed to be so. i might've been lucky, too, i'm just not in a shape good enough to say, 'life's worth living'. after all, having been born is a very big thing, whether it's good or bad. it might be the biggest thing that could ever happen to you besides death.

when you kill yourself you go back to the root of it all: non-existence. but it's not the same non-existence anymore; it now has been marred, smeared with the filths of all living things and living lies

but that doesn't stop me from thinking, 'i'd rather die than live a life not worth living'

even when i'm in a good shape, i feel miserable too / i won't stop thinking, 'i'd rather die than live a life worth-living that i can't remember after i die'

if there is God, i think He must have hated me so much; otherwise i shouldn't have been born

if there is God, i will apologise for flunking the life He has given me, the life He has hoped me to put to good use.