170318

Sometimes I feel like life is one long detour from a journey that leads to nowhere. But this acknowledgment that it leads to 'nowhere'...it doesn't exactly sit well with a lot of people, including me. Everyday we are trapped in a race to somewhere, rallying against one another to be the first to claim knowing what we want. "He seems like he does not know what he wants." Surprise surprise, neither do I, and probably neither do you, actually. But still we find false consolation when we hear this. Maybe at times we are more sure of what we want—but we shouldn't punish ourselves or others for those times we're less so.

We are grappling on all our fours with uncertainties like no other creature. I especially struggle with this. I am ashamed by my tendencies to ascertain, to possess, to coddle. I struggle to accept that sometimes I lose my cool.... that I have so much in me: passion, anger. Am I not the walking epitome of cool, calm, collected? For people whom I want to stay a constant with, I think it's important to let them see this. But before I expect them to accept this, I first have to come to terms with it, and boy is this a tough assignment to work on...